Stupid Trolling Brain

Last night I had a few dreams. They were interesting, to say the least. My dreams usually are. This time, I was at a school function of some kind, but I wasn't actually a student there. Everyone was wearing a red polo shirt as the uniform top, with khaki pants (I think they were Khakis). Anyhow, as people were shuffling from class to class (this was more like a high school type-shindig), I noticed an old friend of mine, who is actually on her mission now. We'll call her Shelly. I was surprised to see her, and she me. Anyhow, suddenly two people showed up around Shelly, apparently oblivious to the fact that I was standing and talking to her. They began to be awful to her, calling her names and attempting to steal her backpack, likely to dump out its contents or whatever bullies do. She was almost in tears, so I stepped into the middle of the chaos and commanded them to leave her the heck alone. I grabbed one of the bully's faces and told them-- and I quote-- "If you mess with her again, I'm going to punch your teeth once for every tear you've made her cry."

So turns out I'm kind of a BAMF in my dreams. (I'm assuming BAMF means Battle Axe Master Fighter. Definitely.)

Then I had another dream. This time, I was playing some bizarre Mario game, and I was in this level that was only a screen wide. I had a P-Wing at the time, and I started flying. As I passed up in the clouds (this level was set at nighttime), I noticed that Mario could go behind some of them. Unfortunately, I exited the screen a little too quickly. It immediately played the level again, but this time I was Bowser. He could still fly, but his sprite was all corrupted when it was supposed to display the "flying" animation. Sure enough, flying behind the clouds led to a secret world. I knew because a Lakitu showed up with a fishing pole to take me to another world.

I felt pretty cool.

Then my alarm went off.

Because I was still somewhat in dreaming mode, I was hearing a radio show that was telling me that my alarm clock was malfunctioning and now going off in shorter intervals. So, because I couldn't tell the difference between dreaming and reality, I quickly hit the snooze button, believing that it would go off every five minutes instead of every ten. Then it was 6:27AM, and I needed to leave by 6:30 to make it to my class on time.

Stupid trolling brain.

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KLNAHRR: The Revenge!

Hello all! It's been a long time since I blogged. Truthfully, I have some material that I COULD publish, but I find myself either deciding not to because they are a tad too personal or that nobody would want to read it. (Both?) As it goes, a lot has happened to me since the last time I blogged, but I don't really want to give a recap; there's a lot of stuff there I don't want to remember. I've taken a few steps forward, but quite a few steps back. I think I know where I'm going, and I know I have a long way to go before becoming who I should be. Maybe I'll compose those thoughts and compile them here, who knows? In the mean time, let's give my bloggity-blargh a little love with some lyrics I wrote around 5 years ago... I'm not super happy with them; they could be a lot better (i.e. they could actually be structured in a way that would make lyrics POSSIBLE*). But I will present them to you here and now!**

PENCIL PERFECT

Here I am sketching down the

black and white fantasies and then

doodling the future 'bout us

erasing here and there

it's not getting anywhere

Do you even care?

Can't get the picture right

of you cryin' in the night

or us dancing in the light

More than I can bear

all the simple lines

of your long hair

it's all there

CHORUS

It's not quite right

I'll try again

the black, the grey, the white

a simple pen

Take your time

I'll take mine

I'm feeling just fine, just fine, just fine

I don't mind.

There you are. I don't know how

you're feeling 'bout my masterpiece

It's got it all--

winter, summer, spring and fall

What we plan to do

when it's said and done

we will have our laughs and have our fun

Should I erase it?

Should I just trace it?

Or misplace it?

CHORUS

It's turning out, well

not what I'd planned

what's there in my head's

not in my hand

I draw you laughing

can't hear you though

I draw us about to touch

like you don't know, don't know, don't know

Take it slow

BRIDGE

Can't quite recreate the past or

give an accurate pencil prediction

I'm working on a blank page

on our monochromatic stage

This picture's gonna take awhile

so don't ever ever stop your smile

CHORUS

Won't turn out perfect

it never will

that's just the curse of

the ink and quill

It's finally finished

it took some time

it's not perfect, but to me it's fine

just fine, just fine

This picture of us

all drawn by me

on top of mountains

or by the sea

is where we'll be, we'll be, we'll be

Pencil Perfect __________

(Note: when this song was written, it was written with two names in mind that ended in an "ee" sound and had three syllables. Knowledge is POWER)

* If anyone WANTS to make this song-able, feel free. It's not copyrighted or anything.

** Some lyrics were just too stupid to reproduce here.

Until next time!

The Ox in the Myre

This is actually a parody of the song "Cats in the Cradle" that I wrote while I was on my mission... I found it in my Mission Compendium notebook, and found it WAAAAAAAYYYY funnier than I remembered. And now I'm sharing it with you because I like you.

OX IN THE MYRE

Well my greenie arrived just the other day

fresh off the plane from the U.S.A.

he came up to me and he shook my hand

speaking so poorly I could not understand

and as we were unpacking, as I often do,

he said "I wanna be like you, yeah, you know I wanna be like you"

CHORUS

Oh the Ox in the Myre and the shiny shoes,

monkeys, alligators, President Arbizu*

when you're going home in 2010 (two thousand-ten)**

I'll probably never see you again

but I'll remember what a good time it's been

He sat down for study just the other day

opened the Scriptures n' said "Hey come on, let's pray!"

then I looked at him and I saw the time;

said, "When I'm done with this month's Ensign.

I gotta call the ZLs, and then when I'm through

I'll get to study with you. You know I'll get to studying with you."

REPEAT CHORUS

My greenie was training just the other day,

finally Senior Comp, so I had to say,

"Son, I'm proud of you, wanna tract for a while?"

He shook my hand and he said with a smile,

"Well my comp's got Dengue***, and I've got nothing to do,

so I can't do divisions with you. I can't do divisions with you."

CHORUS

Well I got my flight plans just the other day,

wanted to call my "kid" before I went away.

He said "I'd love to talk if I could find the time.

Me and my comp are drinking juice with lime (sorry about that rhyme.)

We don't have investigators, and all our plans just fell through,

so we've got nothin' to do. It's like when I was working with you."

We both laughed and I hung up the phone.

Just a few more hours and then boom! I'm home.

I had time to reflect on these past two years,

but that last phone call confirmed all my fears

and as I stepped off the plane it occurred to me

my greenie turned out just like me,

MY KID WAS JUST LIKE ME!

CHORUS

*President Arbizu was the name of my Mission President

**I wrote this in 2007, so 2010 seemed REALLY far away

***Dengue (dain-gay) is a disease transmitted by mosquitos that makes you feel like every bone in your body is broken. True story.

For YOU

Hey! Listen up. I'm talking to you. Yes, YOU. This post is for YOU. TODAY. NOW.

Do you know what you are? You are AWESOME. Seriously. Nobody can be you, nobody knows everything you're going through, and nobody is better at being you than you are. Regardless, sometimes people are gonna tell you that you can't do something, but you know what?! Their opinions are STUPID. 

Do you know why I know you're awesome?! I'll tell you! You are UNIQUE. You are ALIVE. You have the power to brighten someone's day, make someone laugh, or be there for someone else. You can be a friend TODAY to someone who needs you! 

Life may be tough for you, but people who have it easy are LAME. LAME! Life throws boulder-like trials at you, and you can pulverize them with a single punch, because you freaking RULE! If things seem impossible, and adversity grabs you by the lapels and gives you a knuckle sandwich, get up and shout, "Just who the (whatever you want to put here) do you think I am?!!" And return the favor! No one knocks you down without your permission. Kick, scream, and fight like heck!

It really isn't as bad as you think. You are in control. The things you prepared for yesterday are paying off today. The things you do today will help you out tomorrow. You have got to be the superhero who grits his/her teeth and says, "Bad things happen. I'm not going to let it get to me. I have too much to do to worry about some stupid insignificant thing that won't matter tomorrow." And then fly off into the sunset, fighting robots by shooting bald eagles out of your fists, because at that point you deserve to!

YOU are flawless.

YOU are special.

YOU are precious.

YOU are beautiful.

YOU are stronger than you realize.

YOU can catch 'em all.

YOURS is the drill that's gonna burst through the heavens!

YOUR hand glows with an awesome power... its burning grip tells you to grasp happiness!

YOU. ARE. AWESOME.
Now spread the love! 

Thank you, Nedroid, for being the best.

Falling Slowly

So the Tony Awards were on last night. They always seem to sneak up on me year after year. I always read up on who won, and what's new on Broadway, thanks to them. This year the winner (by a landslide) was a musical called "Once". Now, I've been burned by Tony Award winners before. I wasn't too fond of Billy Elliot, or Spring Awakening... but I always listen to the winners' soundtracks to see what all the fuss is about.

You guys ever have that moment where you find a song that conveys exactly what you are going through in some particular moment in life? This is what happened to me when I discovered the hit song of the soundtrack, "Falling Slowly." Granted, this song isn't exactly new; it's been covered by Kris Allen and was first performed in the movie the show is based on... But it's new for me, and this performance is by far my favorite. It is absolutely beautiful.

Here are the lyrics.

I don't know you 
But I want you 
All the more for that 


Words fall through me 
And always fool me 
And I can't react 

And games that never amount 
To more than they're meant 
Will play themselves out 

Take this sinking boat and point it home 
We've still got time 
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice 
You've made it known 

Falling slowly, eyes that know me 
And I can't go back 


Moods that take me and erase me 
And I'm painted black 


You have suffered enough 
And warred with yourself 
It's time that you won 

Take this sinking boat and point it home 
We've still got time 
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice 
You've made it known 

Take this sinking boat and point it home 
We've still got time 
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice 
You've made it known 


Falling slowly sing your melody 
I'll sing along


Take it all

I played the cards too late

Now it's gone

Something Different

While I'm working on getting the next two Game Changers ready, I want to do something a little different. It turns out that my first section on Game Changers was actually getting really long, and I wasn't even a third of the way through it. While, yes, my blog is known as Kevin L Neff and His Random Rants, even I recognized when I bit off entirely more than I could chew. Thus, the next posts about TWEWY will probably be my last ones regarding Game Changers. I guess it's hard to relate to the subject matter when there are so few of my friends and family have played the games or seen the shows I want to talk about. Also, I'm not being paid to analyze the game or anything, so it was hard to really enjoy it. This blog is something that I write when I feel like it, and write about whatever the heck I want. The moment it becomes a chore, I know I've done something wrong.

That being said, I'm going to do something different here. I'm not sure what. I was thinking of either sorting through my collection of thoughts, poems, and lists that I found in my mission stuff. There's some great stuff in there, like "My Dream Concert", "Ten Things I Will Never Like", "Movies I Never Want to See Again", and lyrics to "Ox in the Myre" (a parody I wrote to the tune of "Cats in the Cradle", but with a missionary theme. It's hilarious!) among other things. If anyone wants to see any of those things on my Blag (for some reason, spelling it wrong is funny to me), let me know via the comments, Facebook, carrier pigeons, or whatever kids these days do to communicate.

So since I am the list-master (admittedly a pretty stupid super power), I am going to write another list! It's called...

KEVIN L NEFF AND HIS RANDOM THOUGHTS!

1. E3. I need you. I need you now.
2. I listened to "Here (In Your Arms)" by Hellogoodbye like 4 times yesterday while drawing. Yes.
3. I have a brilliant idea for a book series, but because I can't think of a name for it to save my life, I got three pages in and had to stop.
4. During that process I realized I am terrible with dialogue... which is why I was no good as a playwright. I've only written one short play, and it was called "Father Christmas and His Chocolate Orange Sleigh Named Wildfire". Trust me, it's nowhere NEAR as awesome as it sounds. A more appropriate title would have been "Kevin, Don't Write Plays at 2:00 in the Morning After Watching Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo".
5. That burrito I just had was as big as a football.
6. I love sleep. I can't figure out why I don't do more of it.
7. I have the Boss Theme from Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode II stuck in my head right now.
8. The next several days are gonna be kind of lonely. Friends on vacations, parents in New York... that kind of thing. I am looking forward to June 8th, though.
9. I am a sucker for Music Boxes. Not sure why.
10. I love my friends. They are all awesome.
11. I miss my Nu buddies. You are all awesome. Can't wait to see ya on the 19th of June (I think?)!
12. I got paid today. YES!
13. I love making people smile.
14. I am paralyzed at the prospect that my actions might hurt someone.
15. I am not very subtle.
16. It's weird to compare what I thought my life would be like after the mission to what it actually is like now.
17. Selfishness and love aren't the same thing, but sometimes I get them mixed up.
18. I need to be a lot braver.
19. I wish I were a better dancer. (The previous item is not related to this one, FYI)
20. I really, REALLY wish I could write music. Or play the piano. Or both.
21. I feel kind of disconnected with a lot of things, and I'm not sure why.
22. I need to feel like what I'm doing matters.
23. Why do I keep going to the same places in my dreams? I mean, I've been to the same hotel, movie theater, swimming pool locker/restroom (always enormous/abandoned, none have functioning facilities), abandoned mansions, packed auditoriums, etc. Once I dreamed of a misty forest with a tunnel full of roses on every side. Let's go back there, eh, subconscious?
24. It's a wonderful thing to have someone believe in you.
25. I want Motoi Sakuraba, Hiroyuki Sawano, Takeharu Ishimoto, and Yuki Kajiura to compose the soundtrack to my LIFE.

Until next time!

GAME CHANGERS Vol. 1

It's here! The thing I promised I'd do a few weeks ago and haven't got around to doing is finally here! My segment that nobody asked for, but you're all going to get it! Hooray!

So today on Kevin L Neff and His Random Rants, I present GAME CHANGERS Vol. 1, where I will be showcasing the game (and more importantly the lessons learned from such), "The World Ends With You" by Square Enix.

Top: Beat. Left to Right: Joshua, Neku, Shiki, Rhyme

The World Ends With You is one fantastic game. Of course it would be, or I wouldn't be talking about it. Let me give you a spoiler-free rundown of the plot.

Shibuya, Japan, is the hot-spot for pop-culture in Japan. Popular Japanese artists, fashion designers, actors and youth all seem to flock to this postmodern metropolitan mecca. In the middle of the most crowded area, known as "The Scramble", a young boy named Neku Sakuraba wakes up without remembering anything about how he got there, what happened the day before, why anyone can't seem to hear him, and why all of a sudden he can read people's minds. Shortly after waking up, Neku's phone goes off with this message:

"REACH 104. YOU HAVE 60 MINUTES. FAIL, AND FACE ERASURE. -THE REAPERS".

So begins Neku's quest to unravel the secrets of his new-found situation. Who is he? Why can't anyone seem to see him? Who are the reapers? And just what are these monsters --the Noise-- that seem to be attacking him, and why?

Pretty gripping intro. Had me hooked right from the get-go. After finishing the game, though, I was profoundly touched, inspired, and changed forever. So here are five of the most important lessons I learned from the game. (Update: This got long after just two, so I'll be breaking it into manageable chunks over a few days)

He also says charming things like "Shut up" and "Outta My Face." D'awwww!

Lesson 1) "Trust Your Ally, Baby." The first words you hear the protagonist speak are... well, not super friendly or protagonist-like. It is very well established at the beginning of the game that Neku hates people. He is antisocial, spiteful, rude, and impudent. He would sooner crank his headphones up to the max and live a million miles away from anyone than, say, go to a party. So it's quite a shock that Neku is forced into the Reaper's Game, where the only way to survive is to make a pact with another person and partner up. During his quest, he teams up with three different allies over three in-game "weeks": Shiki, a bubbly, fashion-obsessed seamstress, Joshua, a snotty, stuck-up know-it-all brat-face, and Beat, a cocky, jive-talking soul brutha with some serious attitude problems. The game first pairs you up with Shiki, who is exactly the opposite of everything Neku represents. As one might expect, Neku starts out as nothing less than hostile towards each of him companions, but grows to trust them and eventually care for them all.

SEE?!

What this taught me is that there are people in this life that I'm going to meet who I'm not going to get along with. We live in a world where we hear of identity theft every other minute (it seems), corrupt politicians, shady businesses, and what all else. We are essentially conditioned to not trust anyone. However, that's not the way things should be. When people are different from us, in terms of thinking or actions, that doesn't make them bad people or untrustworthy. Neku learned to trust his partners, and so can I, even if it's hard. Even if they hurt you. Trust those who care about you. Let others trust you. Nobody can get through this life alone. So, as one of the songs from its eclectic soundtrack state, "Trust your ally, baby!"

And more!

Lesson 2) Tune Out the Noise. Noise is the name given to the great variety of monsters that Neku and his partners have to fight against throughout the game. Some take the shapes of frogs, penguins, wolves, and others the form of giant bats, nine-tailed foxes, and other mythical beasts. Noise in MY life, however, comes in the form of grudges, mistakes, criticism, trials, and any number of distractions and temptations that keep me from becoming the best person I can be. Interestingly, if Neku chose not to ever partner up with Shiki, he would have been swallowed by the Noise and erased right at the beginning of the game.

While the "Noise" in my life doesn't have the ability literally erase me, it can have a profound effect on my spirituality, and ultimately my very salvation. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it before; eliminate distractions, focus on what's important, etc. etc. etc. But what really sticks out to me is that truly eliminating the Noise isn't possible unless someone is there by your side. This life was never designed as a solo experience. Now, someone somewhere is probably thinking, "Oh sweet, naive Kevin. When you partner up with someone, you also take upon yourself their burdens, problems, and baggage. Seeing as how you've got your own issues, is that added investment really worth it?"

While you raise a valid point, hypothetical naysayer, I ask you... have you ever been close to someone? Like, really close? I'm not talking just hanging out with friends and partying every once in a while. I'm talking making a deep, meaningful, and lasting connection with another human being. Have you ever gotten to the point where someone trusts you enough to confide in you their problems, pasts, and concerns, knowing full well you have issues, trials and temptations of your own? In my experience, an amazing thing happens. Your problems don't, in fact, double. What happens is that what I previously perceived as "MY problems" and "THEIR problems" becomes "OUR problems." And that three letter word makes all the difference. When you believe in someone else, and they believe in you, there is a real power there... I mean, when I'm with the right person, I feel like I can do anything.

Golly, I want to play this again. Sheesh.

There is so much good in the world and in people and with it set to what can only be described as music; the soulful serenades of the wounded of heart, the dirges of the downtrodden, and the languid lyrics of the lonely. Tune out the noise, "open up your senses", and listen.

Part Two coming soon.

HULK SMASH

Hey there, true believers!

It's been a while, hasn't it? So, I regret to inform you all that while I intended on starting my "Game Changers" segment this week, I think I will put that off for another post. I am mulling over a few ideas and what all else on how to make it bigger, better, and more spectacular.

Instead, I'm dedicating this post to a little-known fact about me.

When I was a little kid, my absolute favorite super hero was the Incredible Hulk. I have no idea why that is. I recall owning a tiny Hulk toy... and I must have watched the old Incredible Hulk tapes we owned about ten bajillion times (slight exaggeration). As I got older, I remember being super excited for the movie version of the Hulk in 2003. My favorite superhero was finally getting a movie! So while I was expecting something along the caliber of my childhood admiration and fantasies, I get this.

Not pictured: Whining

I wanted a rip-roaring, pulse-pounding, Hulk-smashing good time and instead got a plodding, bizarre, comic-book cropped, way-too-dang-serious-for-its-own-good work of schlock. I was heartbroken. Years passed, and the Hulk kind of fell out of graces with me. I was embarrassed to admit he was my favorite superhero.

Flash forward several years. I was told that they were rebooting the Hulk for a new movie, and at first I was outraged. The previous film had only come out around 5 years previous! Anyhow, I watched it once I returned from the mission, having heard nothing but glowing reviews from my family.

MUCH better.

And lo and behold, it was so very much better... except for one thing.

"The Hulk just heard you say, 'Bwuce'"!

Liv Tyler. Good GRAVY I hated her in the role of Betty Ross. So then I kind of forgot about the Hulk after a while... until last night.

 Pictured: The most butt-kickingest green rage monster EVER.

I saw the midnight showing of The Avengers, and while I was plenty excited to revisit the delightfully self-absorbed Tony Stark, the "aww-shucks" humility and embodiment-of-the-American-spirit Captain America, the "I-totally-had-a-better-movie-than-I-had-any-right-to" Thor and the others, I braced for another somewhat disappointing Hulk.

And NOTHING could have prepared me for what was to come. It seemed like the whole movie was almost geared toward giving audiences the Incredible Hulk they'd always dreamed of. And the movie delivered in spades. The Hulk of my childhood was front-and-center, smashing just about everything in the whole dang movie to smithereens and generally being the coolest Avenger of them all. My sister Marianne will testify that I squealed like a fan boy multiple times during the Hulk's scenes.

Long story short, go see the Avengers. IT'S. FREAKING. AWESOME.

"Hulk SMAAAAAASH!"

(Translation: He's my favorite superhero again. Awwwww yeah!)

4.9%

104.9%. That’s my current grade in my Sociology of Rock and Roll class. You’re probably imagining now that I am some kind of wunderkind at Rock and Roll analysis. I assure you that I am not, actually (awesome as "Rock and Roll Wunderkind" would probably look on a resume). As a matter of fact, I’m not sure I’m any more proficient when it comes to Rock and Roll knowledge than I was when I began the semester. While I have certainly learned a lot about different artists and their works, I guess you could say that the extra 4.9% represents the most important thing that I got out of this class.

Which was, surprisingly, a lot about what true love is. It wasn’t anything “new”, per se, but it was certainly a good reminder and reinforcement of what I already believe to be true about just what love is, and what it is not. So here’re some songs that taught me these lessons. (And yes, I'm aware that none of these songs are technically Rock and Roll. We covered a lot of ground in this class.)

Lesson 1) Love is a real thing that happens to ordinary people.

Take a step back (or if you're sitting, look up, or take your hands off the mouse or something). If you are reading this blog, it most likely means that (with a few exceptions) two ordinary people fell in love, got married, and had you. My parents aren’t rock stars, celebrities, wealthy businesspeople, or anything of the sort. My dad is a Technical Writer at a hospital, and my mom is a Head Secretary at a local elementary school. At some point in their lives, they met, fell in love, and nearly 30 years later here I am. There was no press coverage on my mom’s choice of shoes or my dad’s car on their wedding day. No magazine covers, no news reports, no book adaptations… nothing of the sort. Even though I believe they have been phenomenal successes at being parents, there is no denying that when they started out, they were just ordinary people who didn’t know where to go. They pushed through mistakes and misunderstandings and a heck of a lot of self-sacrifice to give me the life I have today. And, as a new curtain rises on my life, I am appreciating that more and more every day.

Lesson 2) While love may happen to all kinds of ordinary folks all over the world, when it is real, it's nothing short of miraculous.

 I chose this song to demonstrate that there even these guys, who normally sing songs I wouldn't be caught dead listening to have people they love and people who love them... and I don't mean their legions of adoring fans. I mean their brothers, close friends, mothers, fathers... the people who really matter; people who would miss them terribly if they were gone. You can feel that love. It's a powerful thing.

Lesson 3) “It’s better to eat soup with someone you love than steak with someone you hate.”

That’s a direct quote from my teacher, who normally has a mouth like a sailor. She’s a firebrand of a feisty Latina, so it isn’t all that surprising that she is pretty darn direct when she has to be. Sure, a lot of these artists wrote about the plastic, phony, fabricated love that infests movies, TV, "romance" novels, and what have you. Heck, some of them lived it. Others, however, managed to touch on real love, which isn't about glitzy media bonanzas, fancy hotels, elaborate garden parties, or anything like that. To paraphrase my teacher, "After a while, you learn that that [stuff] don't matter." Even though this song might have been overplayed when it first came out (I'm guessing, I would have been on the mission at the peak of its popularity), Alicia Keys nailed it. It's nice to be reminded that having someone around who loves you will always be better than any material thing. 

I could go on for days... but this post is long enough. Phony, short-lived Hollywood romance versus real everyday love is basically going from "She loves you yeah yeah yeah" to something like the next clip. (Please, for the love of the internet don't go juxtaposing Beatles lyrics with Metallica's just because I did this one time). I just wanted to emphasize their sentiments of closeness, of being yourself, trust, etc. While it isn't entirely true that "Nothing Else Matters" (because OH IT DOES), I do believe that once you've found someone you love; someone you've dedicated your life to caring about, providing for, and protecting, a heck of a lot of other stuff just becomes less important after awhile. 

And I don't even LIKE Metallica all that much.

-Kevin Neff

P.S. Look forward to my next post, which will be the start of my new segment "Game Changers", where I pick something from either a movie, a book, a show, or a game and talk about the amazing things I've gained from them. Don't miss it!

Poetry Slam Part II

Here's another poem that I wrote. I've actually been working on this one for a month or so now. While it doesn't currently reflect my life circumstances, it still talks about a lot of things that I think about more often than I realize. Anyhow, without further hubbub, here is my poem. I call it: "An Old Friend".

As I walked along the old and lonely path,

for a stretch of time I can’t seem to measure,

in front of my eyes I beheld a creature, monstrous and black,

which at first glance filled my soul with deep displeasure.

Its head slowly reared up as its gaze met mine.

Firmly, yet haltingly it spoke, “Will you walk with me?”

Taken aback, I considered the proposition, and--

after a bit-- replied, “I cannot. I have much farther to go, you see.”

Again the creature sighed and --baring its fangs—

seemed to plead once again, “I know the way. Take my hand.”

As it reached out its paw, with claws outstretched;

suddenly I knew there was something I needed to understand.

I accepted its request, and we began our climb

as running waters reflected scenes of memories.

It seemed I saw the faces of loved ones long past,

both there and in my companion’s eyes, black as emery’s.

Along our journey we did meet a woman and her child,

who stopped cold at the sight of my companion, the beast.

She took the young one into her arms and fled,

unable, it seemed, to bear the sight of him in the least.

“Why did they run off so quickly?” I wondered.

As the creature and I continued; travelers passing us by.

The sun rose, the sun set, we crossed crag and ravine,

yet out of all that we met, none dared to meet its eye.

Once, after a long, difficult day on the trail,

the monster and I stopped to rest in a clearing,

the wind blew through the trees, and I was surprised--

was that music and children’s laughter that I was hearing?

Suddenly the wind blew chill, roaring loud,

as it threatened to topple a nearby tree,

I cried out for help, and when I awoke,

I found no harm had been done; the creature sheltered me.

In a time that now seems all too short,

my fellow traveler stopped along the way.

I turned and asked, “Is something the matter?”

To which the creature replied, “Please hear what I will say.” 

“I have walked this path many times before,”

Said he, as his fearful mane melted from view,

“I have shown you the way, and here we part,

so I can accompany other travelers like you.”

“Must you go so soon?” I cried,

unable, somehow, to fight the tears.

Realizing finally with whom I’d walked,

He who once was the whole of my fears.

“Many will not walk with me, or bear my company.”

Some will build entire cities—lives--just to escape me.

But if they will just walk with me for a moment,

I can teach them that life doesn’t have to begin and end in misery.

As the gates finally opened ahead, light pouring in,

I watched my companion disappear around the bend.

While most people feared him and others fled,

I, I was able to bid farewell to Sorrow not as my enemy…

… but as a friend.

Yer a wizard, Kevin!

I am fascinated by dreams. I love having them, I love hearing the dreams of others... I just love dreams. I know I'm not alone, because there are easily scores of books and songs and poems describing dreams as places where we can go to reunite with loved ones, or live out our fantasies, or what have you. Even Daft Punk begins a song with the lyrics, "Last night, I had a dream about you. In this dream, I'm dancing right beside you and it looked like everyone was having fun... the kind of feeling I've waited so long."

Then there're my dreams. Take a few nights ago for instance.

So there we were. Idaho, for some reason. Apparently, a group of friends and I traveled up to this small home in Idaho where a mutual friend of ours lived. In our band was my brother Christopher, and I think Audrey O., of all people. (By the way, I don't control my dreams at all. Deal with it.) Turns out he or she wasn't home at the time of our visit, so we ended up leaving to go to a very Classic Skating-esque place to kill some time. So we went there, hung out for a bit, and then we were back in the house. To my horror, my car was inundated by the murkiest brown water of all time. I knew that if we wanted to leave, we would have to get my car out. Christopher came up with a brilliant (?) plan to let the water out by flooding the house just the tiniest bit. Super. Then it came time for us to leave.

Suddenly, I was driving my car and approaching the entrance to I-15 via the frontage road around 9000 South. It was very late at night (?) and as I approached the entrance, I immediately noticed a 7 to 9 headed freaking Basilisk Hydra thing blocking my entrance onto the freeway. The beast was enormous, tan-colored, and could shoot fire out of its mouth, for crying out loud. My first plan was to drive my car into it head on, no matter the consequences. However, as I got closer, I realized what a terrible idea that was turning out to be. So I drove alongside it, turned the car around, and tried my new plan. I knew this thing was trying to stop me. Suddenly I knew that all of my friends and I were about to take part in a deadly game.

My car transformed into a Batman-esque motorcycle, and suddenly I had a wand in my hand. Immediately, I knew what to do. I slammed on the gas, pointed my wand at the hydra and shouted in my best Potter voice, "Patronum!" Nothing happened. Again, I yelled, "Patronum!" and suddenly I was engulfed by an orange light.

Suddenly I appeared at a building that was a cross between a church building and the Castle of Chaos on 3300 South-ish. I walked into what looked like an Elder's Quorum room, where I saw my old friend Kolby. During the "lesson", he asked me who I was dating. The only name that came to mind was the name of his wife, but I wouldn't say it because I wasn't actually dating her. Suddenly, a name came to my mind of someone else (who, by the way, I'm not dating in real life either), but I would not tell him. The class ended, and I knew I'd passed the second test.

I was standing in a line of people, waiting to see what the game had in store for us next. I saw Audrey was in the group of people, and was like, "How did she survive the hydra?" But I guess I figured she had some magic powers of which I wasn't aware. Good for her! Anyhow, I noticed up some stairs a shadowy figure who looked like a cross of the brain people from John Carter and Uncle Fester from the Addams Family. Suddenly I knew he was the one behind this, and a vision of the future cropped up in my mind. We were about to enter an auditorium, and they were going to quiz the audience... should they get the answer wrong, they were going to be destroyed by a laser, or fireball... can't remember which.

So I spotted where some friends of mine were sitting, (the only one I can remember for sure is Nicole W.) I went to sit with them, fully aware of the danger that was presented to us. My family was seated on the row behind us, and I prepared to stop this game once and for all. I was the chosen one, man.

And then I woke up. Have fun with that, Inception team!

And the winner is....

So last week I posted a little quiz for everyone   my followers   my friends anyone who reads my blog ever. I claimed in the last sentences that there would be prizes for most creative answers. Turns out the winner was...

ME! I guess nobody wants these free Olive Garden Gift Cards. Talk about living beneath your privileges.

If you'll excuse me, pasta waits for no man. But man does, in fact, wait for pasta.

Hasta la pasta!

You Don't KNOW Me!

So let's get acquainted, shall we? Take a seat in front of your computer/phone and imagine you and I are gonna have ourselves a little conversation. A delightful conversation. A "choose-your-own-adventure" conversation. That's right, you probably checked out this blog thinking I was gonna post some relevant, topical, edgy entry talking about, like, how I'm unique and stuff. Nope! You, my friend, are going to show me just how well you know me... or how well you THINK you know me. Ready, set, GO!

Hi there, __(your name)__! Good to see ya. So, where are we going?
A. A fancy restaurant.
B. To church.
C. To the football game, yo!
D. Home... school... work... somewhere, I guess.
E.______(place)________
Sounds great! I would love to go to (previous answer). So, what are we going to do when we get there?
A. Have a fancy dinner, make googly eyes at each other, etc.
B. Work. Lots and lots of work.
C. Party like there's no tomorrow, man! Get out the Dew, bro!
D. Play video games, relax, maybe talk. We'll see.
E. ______(activity)________
We arrive at the place. Along the way, we've talked about a lot of things. You know, small talk and what not. The one topic I avoided WAS...
A. How much I want to look into your loving eyes forever.
B. My observations on life, the universe, and everything.. but not the movie. (Well, maybe the movie.)
C. You avoid topics when you talk? I swear, man...
D. Politics or sports, or.... movies?
E. _____(Topic)______
I decide that, once having arrived, I should tell you a story. It will be...
A. Romantic and fascinating.
B. Long and ramble-y, just the way you like it.
C. Mind-numbing.
D. Good, then boring, then... maybe we should just get ice cream?
E._____(Adjective)______
I begin telling the story. Suddenly, zombies. My first course of action is...
A. Take you into my strong, studly arms and say something rash like, "I'll die for you!"
B. Calmly assess the situation, find an escape/weapon, and get out of there.
C. Trip you and run for it.
D. Scream like a little girl and fall to the floor in despair. Or die. Or die screaming.
E._____(Action)_________
After devising a plan, I decide I need a weapon. Of course I choose...
A. My stunning good looks.
B. None. My brain is all I need. (And, coincidentally, it's all they want.)
C. You. As a shield. Thanks!
D. Uh, a knife? Crowbar? Cell phone? Something?
E.____(Weapon)_____
Then I realize, duh. I don't need a weapon. I have a superpower! And that super power is....
A. My power to love like no man has ever loved.
B. X-ray vision.
C. Long, boring stories.
D. Super strength, or speed, or flying, I guess.
E._____(Super Power)______
We escape somehow. As we escape the scene, I realize that this moment calls for a catch phrase! So I clear my throat and exclaim...
A. "Love conquers all!"
B. "I sure had a great time."
C. "AWWW YEAH BOYIEEEEEEE!!!"
D. "Excelsior! Avacadavra! Party!"
E.______(Catch Phrase)______

Okay, pencils down. Let's see how you did.

First and foremost, there really weren't any "right" answers to this quiz (at least not in the available choices for answers, anyway). But wait! There WERE, however, wrong answers. Let's analyze the results!

If you answered mostly "A", then holy moly I hope you're a lady. Also, I think you might have a crush on me.
If you answered mostly "B", then you think I'm kind of boring. I mean, X-ray vision? Seriously?!
If you answered mostly "C", then you clearly don't know me at all. And I'm not sure you should be reading my blog. Also, we probably shouldn't be friends.
If you answered mostly "D", then you really need to be more decisive. There's a big, bright, world out there that is yours for the taking, so get busy living or get busy dying, man!
If you answered mostly "E", then you must, by law I just made up, tell me what they were. There are prizes for most creative/correct answers!

Excelsior!

-Kevin

I Reach for the Sun

Post number 45. I never thought I'd get up to this many posts, but amazingly, I have. Interestingly, 45 happens to be my second favorite number of all time. Why, you ask?

Good question. Not sure. But it sure is great! Just like this song, which I happen to like kind of a lot right now. Yuki Kajiura and Emily Bindiger make one heck of a musical duo. It's called "I Reach for the Sun". Here are the lyrics and the video, just for YOU!

every kiss you gave me touched my heart
every word still lingers in my mind
still lights the way to go
the song I sing is all for my love

every boat is aiming for the shore
every seed is growing towards the light
my heart still knows the place to go
let all my grief show the way below

every tear could be like a rain of grace to me

I reach for the sun
and sing for the sky
wishing my heart could fly
down to where my happiness lives
up the blue hills
to reach in the heart of the rainbow

I leave this place and then I’ll get on board
leaving all sadness behind
a brighter new dawn is breaking
I reach for your soul
deep in immortal love

every heart is wounded by some love
but every soul keeps searching from above
we’ll make our way beyond the hard pouring rain
just to find love

I reach for the sun
and sing for the sky
wishing my love would hear
anywhere your lonely soul is
I’ll be with you
We’ll meet in the heart of the rainbow

stretching my hands to the songs of the earth
far to the unresolving truth
my life is a mystic dream to me
I reach for your soul
deep in immortal love

Seriously, this song gets me every time on the part after the bridge. Man, I wish I could write songs like this. Dangity dang. I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Night night night, love love love.

So there's a holiday today. It's called Valentine's Day. Now, in theory, I have nothing whatsoever against this holiday. I usually get candy and such. No big deal. Anyhow, instead of complaining about how single I am (which I hear is a GREAT way to woo the ladies) or talking about how stupid/commercial this holiday is, I am going to instead attempt to write impromptu prose on the enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a conundrum submerged in an abyss of W.T.H-E-C-K that is "Love". I call it... "Love is Like".

Love is like, like is love.
Love is like birds flying above.
Love apparently flies in formations like V's,
just like swans, ducks, ganders and geese.

Love is great, love is grand.
Love is lovely when you hold a hand.
But not a severed one, for that is gross.
It's not very pleasant, no, not even close.

Love is better than ice cream and cake,
love is better than eating pie for goodness' sake.
Pie is good, pie is fab,
pie is like... hold it. Let me get back on track.

Love is good, good is love.
Love is finding a fitting glove.
Except for it's not.
It's more like...um, something. Rhyming..uh, bot.

Love is me, love is you.
Ask Frank Wildhorn; he thought so too. (True story)
Love is a song, love is a dance,
love is like some guy named Lance.

Love is like love is love
love love love love love
lovelovelovelovelovelove.
Somebody get me a Pulitzer already.

-Kevin Neff
(P.S. If you want me to tell you what I REALLY think love is, call me or ask me in person or something.)

RANDOM TIME!

Tell me this isn't the most sickeningly smarmy love song ever. Tell me.

This Beautiful, Yet Broken World

Today I come before you all to talk rather openly and honestly about something that has been on my mind for a while now, especially in light of recent events. Now, normally, Kevin L Neff and His Random Rants is a place where uplifting, quirky, and funny times are had. While my aim here with this post is to inspire hope, I hope you understand that I am going to speak quite passionately about an unpleasant topic that I have always struggled with...

When children die.

I am not talking just about sickness here. I am talking about when, due to the carelessness of others, children are killed. This happens indirectly, for example, in war-torn countries where civilian casualties are common, and directly, like a drunk/distracted driver or disturbed adult.

Please understand... I know all about the Plan of Salvation. I know that little children are granted Celestial glory if their lives are cut short. (And it's not like I am okay with adults dying, either.) Yet, for some reason, there is perhaps no other occasion when I want more to raise my fists to the sky and shout, "What the heck is the matter with this stupid world?!" than when I hear of yet another child dying. You see, I don't handle that well. I have never handled it well. Of course, I don't have children of my own, and I've never had a tragedy like this occur in my own family... but that doesn't matter.

You see, when a child's life is taken from them, you are not only hurting their loved ones. You are not only taking from them THEIR future, you are taking away everyone's future. For all you know, that child could have been the one to fix this broken, broken world. That child could have made music, or become a teacher, a worker, a friend, a parent... so much potential extinguished.

But you know, regardless of the above reasons, I guess what I hate the most about these kinds of things is that there is no easy answer. There is no instant solution, some band-aid to make it better. I don't understand what it feels like, so it's hard to know what to do to help. There's nothing you can say; nothing you can do to really help someone who is suffering the loss of a child. I don't understand it, and I don't know if I ever will in this life. Sometimes, when it's a drunk/careless driver, or a negligent/abusive parent, we immediately desire retribution; for the offender to suffer more-so than they who originally suffered the loss. Some people sue the perpetrator, as if some monetary amount is going to bring the child back to life. Some people demand the death sentence. It seems justified, after all.

However, suffering compounded with suffering does not amount to healing; it only yields more sorrow. And, for every person responsible for the death of a child, purposefully or not, there are so many more children who die without any justice at all. There is not enough justice to fix the broken world. My heart breaks for these families, friends, and mentors of these children... and I just hate not being able to do anything about it. I hate feeling so helpless.

And... in a weird way... that's the beauty of it. I am not called upon to render justice upon anyone, even if I wanted to. I am powerless to turn back the clocks and prevent these kinds of tragedies. Even if I could hear the cries of every person and see every tear shed by every living person, I am just one man. I barely have the power to reach out to those precious few close to me, much less an entire world. Even though my heart breaks, that isn't enough to help anyone heal. I have to put all of my trust, all of my hope, all of my heartache into the hands of Someone who does know EXACTLY how it feels, and how to make it right.

Sure, this world-- as it stands now-- is broken. Children die, families are torn apart, and senseless wars rage upon the face of the Earth. Who on this broken planet, with so many broken people, can really put us all back together?

Interestingly enough, no one is going to do that. No one is going to put us all back to the way things were.

You see, while I don't know everything, I do know this: He who is perfectly acquainted with the sorrows and sicknesses of all people is not interested in just putting the pieces to our lives back where they go. No, He is interested in a far greater mission... to put us together, with Him as the master carpenter, as something better than what we were before. This world will continue to break until it shatters, but will be someday rebuilt as an eternal paradise. People who break down under the weights of poverty, illness, and whatever else during this life will be rebuilt as kings and queens in the next.

Most importantly, broken families who lose these dear, dear children will be put back together... to never, ever be separated again.

Birthdays Are Great

Birthdays. A day when for once, everyone takes a moment to not only commemorate your existence, but wish you well when otherwise nothing super important would have happened (with a few choice exceptions.) Isn't it great? Friends, neighbors, family, creepy Facebook stalkers... seemingly everyone comes together to celebrate the day you graced the world with YOUR presence, to start YOUR life, and most importantly, celebrate YOU. It is a day when you can tell Copernicus to get lost, because on your birthday the world revolves around YOU, dang it!

Well, for most people. I've actually never had a birthday like that... a day dedicated by friends and family to celebrating just me. You see, unless you've been living under a rock for the past 24 (TWENTY FOUR.) years, you would know that I'm a twin. That means that my birthday has been and will always be shared by someone else within my immediate family. So you know what? Since it IS Christopher's birthday also, I am going to tell you why it's an honor to share my birthday with him.

Christopher is awesome. He's dedicated, funny, loyal, smart (freaking smart), spiritual, and everything I've ever wanted to be. I mean, lots of people ask me (there's literally.... three) what it's like to be a twin. My response to that is always the same; "What's it like not to be a twin?" Even though I don't know any different, I know one thing: I would be a terrible mess without him. Sure, he doesn't keep the room super tidy, but big deal. I hardly ever make my bed. Sure, he leaves his shoes everywhere but the closet. So what? I don't think I ever make the complete transfer of clothing from the laundry basket to my drawers. Where I'm dramatic, stressed out, and zany, he's patient, chill, and focused. He is the perfect compliment to me.

Here are a few Christopher quirks you might not know.
1. He absolutely can't stand the sight of black socks with shorts. If I ever try something like that, he throws things at me until the socks are off.
2. His favorite foods are, in no particular order, cheeseburgers, root beer, and... and.. DANG it! What was the last one?! Fruit salad? Gosh, I think so.
3. He detests the music of Kenneth Cope.
4. He is amazingly amazing at pantomime.
5. He is amazingly amazing at editing music and making it still sound good.

Christopher has a system of thinking that's totally unique. The way he views the world, the way he thinks about things... I'm kinda jealous. He takes no effort whatsoever to memorize things about actors, movies, songs or other items of pop culture, but then again, he's the one who has gotten three sets of straight A's in college. (I might be wrong; I don't know.) One thing that's great about him is he's the best friend anyone could hope for. We like all the same things, we do all the same stuff... we are just awesome together! I couldn't ask for a cooler person with whom to share my birthday.

This one's for you, buddy! Happy Birthday, Christopher!

-Your Pal
Bob-O the Clown! I mean, Kevin!

Go Cry, Emo Kid

So I have decided to no longer update "Another Side". Somehow, I don't think anyone is going to miss it. Which, considering its whiny, emo nature, is probably exactly what it would have wanted. Rest in peace. Let's hear it for being more positive, eh?

In other news, my life has changed completely! It's like, just when you think you've got everything all figured out, all of a sudden you realize you don't. Just in the past month or so I have gotten a new calling as an Assistant Executive Secretary, had our Sunday meeting schedule turned on its head, started a new semester of college, and been transferred to a new location for work! Sheesh. That's life for ya. Anyhow, I'm gonna go off and listen to some Evanescence, write some depressing poetry, take some pictures, add a vintage effect, and write some forlorn message about being heartbroken or something like that. In that order.



Oh, by the way. I'm rather enjoying life, thank you very much! (And I actually do happen to like Evanescence.)