Monday, August 31, 2009

College Really Is a Model for Life

I have discovered that college really is a model for life. I mean, I've been at it for a week and what has it done for me so far? Take my money and make me do things I don't want to do.

A good model for life, indeed.

Monday, August 24, 2009

I'll Never Make It In the Real Theater World

Two posts in one day? Amazing. Just amazing. I love theater. I have always enjoyed seeing plays and musicals. I love the satisfaction one gets from putting on a darn good show for a wonderful audience. The thrill of the opening night, the bittersweetness of closing, the art, the laughs, the applause... it's all so wonderful. Some people think I am good, and that I must, I don't know, "belong" on stage. That might be so. However, I have come to the conclusion that while I might belong on stage, I don't belong backstage. Here's why:

Reason 1- Don't freakin' touch me. Especially don't touch my butt. I have never been a very touchy-feely person. In fact, I hate it. I have a bubble, and you have to really earn my trust to get anywhere near it. Some people's bubbles are happy, clear, and sometimes reflect colors of the rainbow. Mine is made of acid. Additionally, I find nothing attractive whatsoever about the human butt. Minus the obvious, all it is good for is sitting on. And besides, my good mother once taught me to never touch another person where the swimsuit covers. It's just better that way.
Reason 2- My talking voice is staying where it is. It's not getting any higher, at least not if I can help it.
Reason 3- I won't tell people I don't even know I love them. Nor will I throw my hand in the air and say, "Oh my gosh, you're so cute!" Gag. Oog. Zug zug. Bleah. Unless I really want one, I don't want to be hugged, and I won't hug anyone else unless they want it.
Reason 4- I'm too grounded in reality. Plays really are just plays, and musicals are musicals. The distinct line cannot be blurred for me. I know myself too well, and I can play character after character, but once the curtain falls for the final time, it's back to me again. I mean, if I became the character I portrayed, I collectively would be a suicidal/abusive/angsty/nerdy/ruthless/romantic/wax-making/French-supporting TRAIN WRECK.
Reason 5- I'm not super keen on the have work-or-starve initiative.

Well, off to The Scarlet Pimpernel.

The Guy Next To Me Smells Really Bad

Aren't our olfactory senses just incredible? I mean, let's take a look at my current situation. I realized I have something along the lines of two hours until my next class begins, and I am in the University of Utah library next to this guy who I'm fairly sure is not a student... Or a hygienically oriented one, anyhow. This guy has that smell; that smell of whiskey, hard drugs, not showering for several weeks, and oddly keeps making strange noises.

Now where have I smelled that all before (and how do I know it's whiskey, hard drugs and BO?)? Ah, yes. Suddenly I'm on the streets of Costa Rica in an area called Ipis, which was considered to be the third most dangerous place in the whole country. Suddenly, I hear a gruff man in a sleeveless salmon shirt say something to me. He asks for a dollar (in English), and when we don't give it to him, he starts saying every swear word he knows in English. I think he only DIDN'T know, like, two. My companion starts getting angry. He yells at him. I just keep walking and thinking who all to include in my will. We walk a fair distance away, and the man picks up a loose piece of asphalt and throws it. He misses. Riback walks away with his black umbrella in hand, carrying it like a lead pipe in a fatal game of real life Clue, minus the mansion, and the color, and the... well, okay, the only similarity is a lead pipe.

And all of this I remember, because this guy next to me smells like the asphalt throwing dude. Just one whiff, and BAM! I remember everything. If only you could identify which mathematical problem-solving techniques one ought to use by smell. "Yeah, this one smells like a quadratic formula equation."

Smell ya later.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Why I DON'T Like Halo or the X-Box

Halo and X-Box, I've determined, are actually synonyms. As it so happens, I dislike them both. To get this rant started on the right foot, let me explain a few things to defend my position. First of all, I don't consider myself a "gamer". Sure, I love video games. I love Sonic, Mario, Kirby, Megaman, Final Fantasy and the like. I am really knowledgeable on video games as far as who made them, who composed the music, and a couple of other random facts... but it's not like I go and brag about it to everyone. That's "gamer" territory.

From my experience, to a "gamer", realistic graphics automatically equals a good game. Blood, gore, guns, and multiplayer functionality automatically make a good game. And the worst of it all, to a "gamer", virtually any game that has ever come out for the X-Box is the best game ever.

To me, the X-Box is that stupid little punk in High School that always thought he was really cool and made sure everyone knew it. Despite inward groaning, and to the disbelief of those who just know better, many people fall for that punk's act and assume he is cool. People start hanging around him. They dress like him. They talk like him, and the rest of the world wonders how in the world all that happened.

While I do like shiny graphics, I find that I enjoy the graphical presentation of Megaman 3 just as much as I do for Kingdom Hearts II. I don't automatically dismiss The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker just because I can't count Link's individual strands of hair. The size of the eyes on the characters doesn't determine whether a game is for adults, teens, or little kids. As far as music and sound go, I like there to be some. Imagine that. I mean, sometimes I WANT to see a cartoony dragon fight some giant robot. Sometimes I WANT to escape reality.

Getting back to my disliking of the X-Box, Halo fits in to all the above categories. Blood. Multiplayer. Guns. Gore. Graphics. It's not like that has never been done before. People have been taking big weapons and blowing up aliens/demons since Doom... and that was made in the early nineties. I am really tired of people raving about how the X-Box is the best system ever (remember, that really means Halo is the best game ever to them; no one has ever bought ((that I know of)) an X-Box without Halo) especially when the type have never played a Playstation, a Sega Genesis or heaven forbid an original NES. So to those who think that Halo is the greatest, most challenging game of all time, I dare you to try Quickman's stage on Megaman 2. I will remember to laugh every time you die. And I guarantee that it will be a great many times.

Some gamer you turned out to be.