Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Please stop this madness

So apparently some folks have taken issue with my stance on the Santa thing. Honestly, all this talk about how Santa is at the heart of everything wrong with Christmas is kind of like saying it's the Jazz Bear's fault that the Utah Jazz are playing terribly this year.

Instead of making some indignant rant about who is right and who is wrong, I will just say this, and let it suffice for all. Everything has a place in this world. The good things, the bad things, the happy things, the sorrowful things, the serious and the whimsical. It is solely up to you what you want to believe and what you don't. That is to say, after a manner of speaking, that you are in control of the things you allow into your world, or the things you will reject. Likewise, it is up to you as to what you determine is "best" for you and your family. If you feel like Santa is distracting from the birth of the Christ child, then make some traditions to keep during the season that help bring back the focus for you. Do spend time with your loved ones near and far. Do read your scriptures. Do listen to worthy music. Do give of yourself, your time, talents, and material possessions to those in need. Don't go on some self-righteous tirade against an elf who awards good boys and girls with gifts every Christmas Eve night according to century-or-more-long traditions.

As I have said before, you have a choice. You can choose to see the good in everything, or be critical of everything. That being said, I choose not to believe that Santa has ruined Christmas, or that he poses any kind of a threat on the psyche of children nor the sanctity of the holiday. (Incidentally, I don't know that I have ever known anyone irreparably traumatized and permanently disillusioned by the "truth" about Santa Claus that led them to question their faith in God). 

You have a choice. Where some might look at a Christmas tree and see nothing but festive ornaments, gaudy lights, and overbearing showmanship on an overpriced piece of plastic, I can choose to look at a Christmas tree and see symbols of the "light of the world", of "life everlasting", of the star that guided the wise men of tradition to the Christ child. It seems to me that if you can't find Christ in Christmas, you simply aren't looking hard enough. I'll bet that with an eye of faith, you can find all kinds of things in all kinds of places that will guide you back to the manger in Bethlehem, even in a busy shopping mall.

You know, let's be real here. If anyone is indeed guilty of "ruining Christmas", it's us. After all, aren't we the ones who continue to ravenously consume all the glitter and glitz this time of year? Aren't we the ones who voted with our wallets on moving Black Friday from its designated day to the day before? Who or what is really more deserving of criticism? A symbol of wonder and happiness for children across the world? Or our own greedy and selfish tendencies? 

Then again, I am not naive. I write this fully knowing that it will fall largely on deaf ears. Given that, I will end by quoting Ebenezer Scrooge: "You keep Christmas in your way, and I'll keep it in mine." That being said, in my Christmas, there is room for everything about Christmas that reminds me of the importance of giving; not only of material things but of myself. There is certainly one prominent figure in my heart during this time of year, but there is also room for a jolly old Saint (a role which I have been quite happy to play thus far).

And really, I'd much rather have my children sit on the lap of a man impersonating Santa at the mall than a man impersonating the Savior. Wouldn't you?

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Dear Internet

Dear Internet. I'm sorry that I left you for the last... 8 months. But... I've fallen in love. The end.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Monday, April 1, 2013


Hey y'all. It's been a long time since I've updated the bloggity blogg. (The extra "g" is for GREAT). A lot has happened since I stopped updating like FOREVERS AGO. You see, brothers and sisters, I have seen the light.

And the light is BLUE!

I came to the realization that the greatest thing in the whole wide world (and probably multiple universes) is.... drumroll please.... BYU FOOTBALL!

Yeah, there was a time when I was like all anti-football, but I've come to realize that it is the greatest thing ever invented. Seriously, food takes a close second, lol. All it took was watching one game, and I was converted. I immediately grabbed all my stupid dumb baby nerd hobby stuff (anime/music/video games) and threw it in the TRASH!!!!1!!

I am so PUMPPED (the extra "P" is for PUMPED) for the football season to begin AKA my only real reason for living now. I am so glad that now I can finally go to church without worrying about who I cheer for, cuz now I'm on the Lord's team! YEAAAAH BOYIEEEEEE!!!

I'm pretty sure that BYU football is totes inspired, bro. Anyways, my blog is now gonna be called  "Bronco's Rodeo" because I'm freakin' all about Bronco now.
The intensity. He's totally receiving revelation now, I just KNOW IT

Not only is he the greatest flippin' Football coach ever, he's like my second father. I've never met the guy (except for in MY GREATEST DREAMS), but I don't even think I'm worthy to look at him IRL lol! I'd probably just faint because of happiness!!!! Also, just wanna give props to his totally radical name. I mean, Bronco is the coolest name. I'm naming all of my boys Bronco.
Call me Bronco
So yeah, when y'all are ready to quit being stupid dumb baby nerds, and you want to talk armchair coaching, stats, and general misogeny, keep it parked at BRONCO'S RODEO!

O Rise, all loyal Cougars and hurl your challenge to the foe.
You will fight, day or night, rain or snow.
Loyal, Strong, and True
Wear the White and Blue.
While we sing, get set to spring.
Come on Cougars, it's up to you!
O Rise and Shout, the Cougars are out
Along the trail to fame and glory.
Rise and shout, our cheers will ring out,
As you unfold your vict'ry story.
On you go to vanquish the foe
For Alma Mater's sons and daughters.
As we join in song, in praise of you, our faith is strong.
We'll raise our colors high in the blue,
And cheer the Cougars of BYU.


Friday, September 14, 2012

Stupid Trolling Brain

Last night I had a few dreams. They were interesting, to say the least. My dreams usually are. This time, I was at a school function of some kind, but I wasn't actually a student there. Everyone was wearing a red polo shirt as the uniform top, with khaki pants (I think they were Khakis). Anyhow, as people were shuffling from class to class (this was more like a high school type-shindig), I noticed an old friend of mine, who is actually on her mission now. We'll call her Shelly. I was surprised to see her, and she me. Anyhow, suddenly two people showed up around Shelly, apparently oblivious to the fact that I was standing and talking to her. They began to be awful to her, calling her names and attempting to steal her backpack, likely to dump out its contents or whatever bullies do. She was almost in tears, so I stepped into the middle of the chaos and commanded them to leave her the heck alone. I grabbed one of the bully's faces and told them-- and I quote-- "If you mess with her again, I'm going to punch your teeth once for every tear you've made her cry."

So turns out I'm kind of a BAMF in my dreams. (I'm assuming BAMF means Battle Axe Master Fighter. Definitely.)

Then I had another dream. This time, I was playing some bizarre Mario game, and I was in this level that was only a screen wide. I had a P-Wing at the time, and I started flying. As I passed up in the clouds (this level was set at nighttime), I noticed that Mario could go behind some of them. Unfortunately, I exited the screen a little too quickly. It immediately played the level again, but this time I was Bowser. He could still fly, but his sprite was all corrupted when it was supposed to display the "flying" animation. Sure enough, flying behind the clouds led to a secret world. I knew because a Lakitu showed up with a fishing pole to take me to another world.

I felt pretty cool.

Then my alarm went off.

Because I was still somewhat in dreaming mode, I was hearing a radio show that was telling me that my alarm clock was malfunctioning and now going off in shorter intervals. So, because I couldn't tell the difference between dreaming and reality, I quickly hit the snooze button, believing that it would go off every five minutes instead of every ten. Then it was 6:27AM, and I needed to leave by 6:30 to make it to my class on time.

Stupid trolling brain.

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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

KLNAHRR: The Revenge!

Hello all! It's been a long time since I blogged. Truthfully, I have some material that I COULD publish, but I find myself either deciding not to because they are a tad too personal or that nobody would want to read it. (Both?) As it goes, a lot has happened to me since the last time I blogged, but I don't really want to give a recap; there's a lot of stuff there I don't want to remember. I've taken a few steps forward, but quite a few steps back. I think I know where I'm going, and I know I have a long way to go before becoming who I should be. Maybe I'll compose those thoughts and compile them here, who knows? In the mean time, let's give my bloggity-blargh a little love with some lyrics I wrote around 5 years ago... I'm not super happy with them; they could be a lot better (i.e. they could actually be structured in a way that would make lyrics POSSIBLE*). But I will present them to you here and now!**


Here I am sketching down the
black and white fantasies and then
doodling the future 'bout us
erasing here and there
it's not getting anywhere

Do you even care?
Can't get the picture right
of you cryin' in the night
or us dancing in the light

More than I can bear
all the simple lines
of your long hair
it's all there

It's not quite right
I'll try again
the black, the grey, the white
a simple pen

Take your time
I'll take mine
I'm feeling just fine, just fine, just fine
I don't mind.

There you are. I don't know how
you're feeling 'bout my masterpiece
It's got it all--
winter, summer, spring and fall

What we plan to do
when it's said and done
we will have our laughs and have our fun

Should I erase it?
Should I just trace it?
Or misplace it?

It's turning out, well
not what I'd planned
what's there in my head's
not in my hand

I draw you laughing
can't hear you though
I draw us about to touch
like you don't know, don't know, don't know
Take it slow

Can't quite recreate the past or
give an accurate pencil prediction
I'm working on a blank page
on our monochromatic stage

This picture's gonna take awhile
so don't ever ever stop your smile

Won't turn out perfect
it never will
that's just the curse of
the ink and quill

It's finally finished
it took some time
it's not perfect, but to me it's fine
just fine, just fine

This picture of us
all drawn by me
on top of mountains
or by the sea
is where we'll be, we'll be, we'll be

Pencil Perfect __________

(Note: when this song was written, it was written with two names in mind that ended in an "ee" sound and had three syllables. Knowledge is POWER)

* If anyone WANTS to make this song-able, feel free. It's not copyrighted or anything.
** Some lyrics were just too stupid to reproduce here.

Until next time!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Ox in the Myre

This is actually a parody of the song "Cats in the Cradle" that I wrote while I was on my mission... I found it in my Mission Compendium notebook, and found it WAAAAAAAYYYY funnier than I remembered. And now I'm sharing it with you because I like you.


Well my greenie arrived just the other day
fresh off the plane from the U.S.A.
he came up to me and he shook my hand
speaking so poorly I could not understand
and as we were unpacking, as I often do,
he said "I wanna be like you, yeah, you know I wanna be like you"

Oh the Ox in the Myre and the shiny shoes,
monkeys, alligators, President Arbizu*
when you're going home in 2010 (two thousand-ten)**
I'll probably never see you again
but I'll remember what a good time it's been

He sat down for study just the other day
opened the Scriptures n' said "Hey come on, let's pray!"
then I looked at him and I saw the time;
said, "When I'm done with this month's Ensign.
I gotta call the ZLs, and then when I'm through
I'll get to study with you. You know I'll get to studying with you."


My greenie was training just the other day,
finally Senior Comp, so I had to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you, wanna tract for a while?"
He shook my hand and he said with a smile,
"Well my comp's got Dengue***, and I've got nothing to do,
so I can't do divisions with you. I can't do divisions with you."


Well I got my flight plans just the other day,
wanted to call my "kid" before I went away.
He said "I'd love to talk if I could find the time.
Me and my comp are drinking juice with lime (sorry about that rhyme.)
We don't have investigators, and all our plans just fell through,
so we've got nothin' to do. It's like when I was working with you."

We both laughed and I hung up the phone.
Just a few more hours and then boom! I'm home.

I had time to reflect on these past two years,
but that last phone call confirmed all my fears
and as I stepped off the plane it occurred to me
my greenie turned out just like me,


*President Arbizu was the name of my Mission President
**I wrote this in 2007, so 2010 seemed REALLY far away
***Dengue (dain-gay) is a disease transmitted by mosquitos that makes you feel like every bone in your body is broken. True story.