Good Advice

I am all about good advice sometimes. I like to get it, I like to give it, I just don't like getting it too late. Here are just a few pearls of wisdom I have picked up over my short life (mostly by personal experience). They don't apply to everybody, but they certainly have helped me!

1. Don't inhale too close to freshly opened ginger ale.
2. Running with your eyes closed is generally a super bad idea.
3. If people are staring, give them something to stare at.
4. If you get the jitters giving talks in church, just remember that statistically speaking, 33% of the congregation is awake enough to even hear you, and out of that number, only 4.3% of that population are actually paying attention.*
5. On a related note, if you have to sing a musical number in church, remember that it's not like anyone paid any money to hear you and therefore won't be demanding their money back if you mess up.
6. Don't let your life revolve around any one person, or you'll find yourself going in circles.** That's science, people.
7. A well-timed joke is generally a great way to cover up mistakes. A poorly-timed joke is often a great way to make one big mistake.
8. For crying out loud, no matter how fake the cactus looks; or if all of the other ones on the Wal-mart aisle are covered in protective plastic, DON'T TOUCH IT.***
9. Falling in love is great and all; just try not to hurt yourself on the way down.
10. Don't take yourself too darn seriously! Trust me, no one else does.
11. Few things in this life are more frustrating than having your hard work ruined by some idiot's mistake. On the other hand, few things are funnier than finding out that idiot was you.
12. That being said, life is funny sometimes.


Kevin Neff
*Yep, those statistics are made up, but seriously, folks. Look around next time you're up at the pulpit.
** Please don't point out that orbits are more often elliptical than circular. I know.
*** And if you absolutely MUST touch it, don't use your entire hand. Huge waste of a Friday night.

RANDOM!

After seeing this box art, I now know what I want to do with my life.