The Ox in the Myre

This is actually a parody of the song "Cats in the Cradle" that I wrote while I was on my mission... I found it in my Mission Compendium notebook, and found it WAAAAAAAYYYY funnier than I remembered. And now I'm sharing it with you because I like you.

OX IN THE MYRE

Well my greenie arrived just the other day

fresh off the plane from the U.S.A.

he came up to me and he shook my hand

speaking so poorly I could not understand

and as we were unpacking, as I often do,

he said "I wanna be like you, yeah, you know I wanna be like you"

CHORUS

Oh the Ox in the Myre and the shiny shoes,

monkeys, alligators, President Arbizu*

when you're going home in 2010 (two thousand-ten)**

I'll probably never see you again

but I'll remember what a good time it's been

He sat down for study just the other day

opened the Scriptures n' said "Hey come on, let's pray!"

then I looked at him and I saw the time;

said, "When I'm done with this month's Ensign.

I gotta call the ZLs, and then when I'm through

I'll get to study with you. You know I'll get to studying with you."

REPEAT CHORUS

My greenie was training just the other day,

finally Senior Comp, so I had to say,

"Son, I'm proud of you, wanna tract for a while?"

He shook my hand and he said with a smile,

"Well my comp's got Dengue***, and I've got nothing to do,

so I can't do divisions with you. I can't do divisions with you."

CHORUS

Well I got my flight plans just the other day,

wanted to call my "kid" before I went away.

He said "I'd love to talk if I could find the time.

Me and my comp are drinking juice with lime (sorry about that rhyme.)

We don't have investigators, and all our plans just fell through,

so we've got nothin' to do. It's like when I was working with you."

We both laughed and I hung up the phone.

Just a few more hours and then boom! I'm home.

I had time to reflect on these past two years,

but that last phone call confirmed all my fears

and as I stepped off the plane it occurred to me

my greenie turned out just like me,

MY KID WAS JUST LIKE ME!

CHORUS

*President Arbizu was the name of my Mission President

**I wrote this in 2007, so 2010 seemed REALLY far away

***Dengue (dain-gay) is a disease transmitted by mosquitos that makes you feel like every bone in your body is broken. True story.

For YOU

Hey! Listen up. I'm talking to you. Yes, YOU. This post is for YOU. TODAY. NOW.

Do you know what you are? You are AWESOME. Seriously. Nobody can be you, nobody knows everything you're going through, and nobody is better at being you than you are. Regardless, sometimes people are gonna tell you that you can't do something, but you know what?! Their opinions are STUPID. 

Do you know why I know you're awesome?! I'll tell you! You are UNIQUE. You are ALIVE. You have the power to brighten someone's day, make someone laugh, or be there for someone else. You can be a friend TODAY to someone who needs you! 

Life may be tough for you, but people who have it easy are LAME. LAME! Life throws boulder-like trials at you, and you can pulverize them with a single punch, because you freaking RULE! If things seem impossible, and adversity grabs you by the lapels and gives you a knuckle sandwich, get up and shout, "Just who the (whatever you want to put here) do you think I am?!!" And return the favor! No one knocks you down without your permission. Kick, scream, and fight like heck!

It really isn't as bad as you think. You are in control. The things you prepared for yesterday are paying off today. The things you do today will help you out tomorrow. You have got to be the superhero who grits his/her teeth and says, "Bad things happen. I'm not going to let it get to me. I have too much to do to worry about some stupid insignificant thing that won't matter tomorrow." And then fly off into the sunset, fighting robots by shooting bald eagles out of your fists, because at that point you deserve to!

YOU are flawless.

YOU are special.

YOU are precious.

YOU are beautiful.

YOU are stronger than you realize.

YOU can catch 'em all.

YOURS is the drill that's gonna burst through the heavens!

YOUR hand glows with an awesome power... its burning grip tells you to grasp happiness!

YOU. ARE. AWESOME.
Now spread the love! 

Thank you, Nedroid, for being the best.

Falling Slowly

So the Tony Awards were on last night. They always seem to sneak up on me year after year. I always read up on who won, and what's new on Broadway, thanks to them. This year the winner (by a landslide) was a musical called "Once". Now, I've been burned by Tony Award winners before. I wasn't too fond of Billy Elliot, or Spring Awakening... but I always listen to the winners' soundtracks to see what all the fuss is about.

You guys ever have that moment where you find a song that conveys exactly what you are going through in some particular moment in life? This is what happened to me when I discovered the hit song of the soundtrack, "Falling Slowly." Granted, this song isn't exactly new; it's been covered by Kris Allen and was first performed in the movie the show is based on... But it's new for me, and this performance is by far my favorite. It is absolutely beautiful.

Here are the lyrics.

I don't know you 
But I want you 
All the more for that 


Words fall through me 
And always fool me 
And I can't react 

And games that never amount 
To more than they're meant 
Will play themselves out 

Take this sinking boat and point it home 
We've still got time 
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice 
You've made it known 

Falling slowly, eyes that know me 
And I can't go back 


Moods that take me and erase me 
And I'm painted black 


You have suffered enough 
And warred with yourself 
It's time that you won 

Take this sinking boat and point it home 
We've still got time 
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice 
You've made it known 

Take this sinking boat and point it home 
We've still got time 
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice 
You've made it known 


Falling slowly sing your melody 
I'll sing along


Take it all

I played the cards too late

Now it's gone

Something Different

While I'm working on getting the next two Game Changers ready, I want to do something a little different. It turns out that my first section on Game Changers was actually getting really long, and I wasn't even a third of the way through it. While, yes, my blog is known as Kevin L Neff and His Random Rants, even I recognized when I bit off entirely more than I could chew. Thus, the next posts about TWEWY will probably be my last ones regarding Game Changers. I guess it's hard to relate to the subject matter when there are so few of my friends and family have played the games or seen the shows I want to talk about. Also, I'm not being paid to analyze the game or anything, so it was hard to really enjoy it. This blog is something that I write when I feel like it, and write about whatever the heck I want. The moment it becomes a chore, I know I've done something wrong.

That being said, I'm going to do something different here. I'm not sure what. I was thinking of either sorting through my collection of thoughts, poems, and lists that I found in my mission stuff. There's some great stuff in there, like "My Dream Concert", "Ten Things I Will Never Like", "Movies I Never Want to See Again", and lyrics to "Ox in the Myre" (a parody I wrote to the tune of "Cats in the Cradle", but with a missionary theme. It's hilarious!) among other things. If anyone wants to see any of those things on my Blag (for some reason, spelling it wrong is funny to me), let me know via the comments, Facebook, carrier pigeons, or whatever kids these days do to communicate.

So since I am the list-master (admittedly a pretty stupid super power), I am going to write another list! It's called...

KEVIN L NEFF AND HIS RANDOM THOUGHTS!

1. E3. I need you. I need you now.
2. I listened to "Here (In Your Arms)" by Hellogoodbye like 4 times yesterday while drawing. Yes.
3. I have a brilliant idea for a book series, but because I can't think of a name for it to save my life, I got three pages in and had to stop.
4. During that process I realized I am terrible with dialogue... which is why I was no good as a playwright. I've only written one short play, and it was called "Father Christmas and His Chocolate Orange Sleigh Named Wildfire". Trust me, it's nowhere NEAR as awesome as it sounds. A more appropriate title would have been "Kevin, Don't Write Plays at 2:00 in the Morning After Watching Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo".
5. That burrito I just had was as big as a football.
6. I love sleep. I can't figure out why I don't do more of it.
7. I have the Boss Theme from Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode II stuck in my head right now.
8. The next several days are gonna be kind of lonely. Friends on vacations, parents in New York... that kind of thing. I am looking forward to June 8th, though.
9. I am a sucker for Music Boxes. Not sure why.
10. I love my friends. They are all awesome.
11. I miss my Nu buddies. You are all awesome. Can't wait to see ya on the 19th of June (I think?)!
12. I got paid today. YES!
13. I love making people smile.
14. I am paralyzed at the prospect that my actions might hurt someone.
15. I am not very subtle.
16. It's weird to compare what I thought my life would be like after the mission to what it actually is like now.
17. Selfishness and love aren't the same thing, but sometimes I get them mixed up.
18. I need to be a lot braver.
19. I wish I were a better dancer. (The previous item is not related to this one, FYI)
20. I really, REALLY wish I could write music. Or play the piano. Or both.
21. I feel kind of disconnected with a lot of things, and I'm not sure why.
22. I need to feel like what I'm doing matters.
23. Why do I keep going to the same places in my dreams? I mean, I've been to the same hotel, movie theater, swimming pool locker/restroom (always enormous/abandoned, none have functioning facilities), abandoned mansions, packed auditoriums, etc. Once I dreamed of a misty forest with a tunnel full of roses on every side. Let's go back there, eh, subconscious?
24. It's a wonderful thing to have someone believe in you.
25. I want Motoi Sakuraba, Hiroyuki Sawano, Takeharu Ishimoto, and Yuki Kajiura to compose the soundtrack to my LIFE.

Until next time!

GAME CHANGERS Vol. 1

It's here! The thing I promised I'd do a few weeks ago and haven't got around to doing is finally here! My segment that nobody asked for, but you're all going to get it! Hooray!

So today on Kevin L Neff and His Random Rants, I present GAME CHANGERS Vol. 1, where I will be showcasing the game (and more importantly the lessons learned from such), "The World Ends With You" by Square Enix.

Top: Beat. Left to Right: Joshua, Neku, Shiki, Rhyme

The World Ends With You is one fantastic game. Of course it would be, or I wouldn't be talking about it. Let me give you a spoiler-free rundown of the plot.

Shibuya, Japan, is the hot-spot for pop-culture in Japan. Popular Japanese artists, fashion designers, actors and youth all seem to flock to this postmodern metropolitan mecca. In the middle of the most crowded area, known as "The Scramble", a young boy named Neku Sakuraba wakes up without remembering anything about how he got there, what happened the day before, why anyone can't seem to hear him, and why all of a sudden he can read people's minds. Shortly after waking up, Neku's phone goes off with this message:

"REACH 104. YOU HAVE 60 MINUTES. FAIL, AND FACE ERASURE. -THE REAPERS".

So begins Neku's quest to unravel the secrets of his new-found situation. Who is he? Why can't anyone seem to see him? Who are the reapers? And just what are these monsters --the Noise-- that seem to be attacking him, and why?

Pretty gripping intro. Had me hooked right from the get-go. After finishing the game, though, I was profoundly touched, inspired, and changed forever. So here are five of the most important lessons I learned from the game. (Update: This got long after just two, so I'll be breaking it into manageable chunks over a few days)

He also says charming things like "Shut up" and "Outta My Face." D'awwww!

Lesson 1) "Trust Your Ally, Baby." The first words you hear the protagonist speak are... well, not super friendly or protagonist-like. It is very well established at the beginning of the game that Neku hates people. He is antisocial, spiteful, rude, and impudent. He would sooner crank his headphones up to the max and live a million miles away from anyone than, say, go to a party. So it's quite a shock that Neku is forced into the Reaper's Game, where the only way to survive is to make a pact with another person and partner up. During his quest, he teams up with three different allies over three in-game "weeks": Shiki, a bubbly, fashion-obsessed seamstress, Joshua, a snotty, stuck-up know-it-all brat-face, and Beat, a cocky, jive-talking soul brutha with some serious attitude problems. The game first pairs you up with Shiki, who is exactly the opposite of everything Neku represents. As one might expect, Neku starts out as nothing less than hostile towards each of him companions, but grows to trust them and eventually care for them all.

SEE?!

What this taught me is that there are people in this life that I'm going to meet who I'm not going to get along with. We live in a world where we hear of identity theft every other minute (it seems), corrupt politicians, shady businesses, and what all else. We are essentially conditioned to not trust anyone. However, that's not the way things should be. When people are different from us, in terms of thinking or actions, that doesn't make them bad people or untrustworthy. Neku learned to trust his partners, and so can I, even if it's hard. Even if they hurt you. Trust those who care about you. Let others trust you. Nobody can get through this life alone. So, as one of the songs from its eclectic soundtrack state, "Trust your ally, baby!"

And more!

Lesson 2) Tune Out the Noise. Noise is the name given to the great variety of monsters that Neku and his partners have to fight against throughout the game. Some take the shapes of frogs, penguins, wolves, and others the form of giant bats, nine-tailed foxes, and other mythical beasts. Noise in MY life, however, comes in the form of grudges, mistakes, criticism, trials, and any number of distractions and temptations that keep me from becoming the best person I can be. Interestingly, if Neku chose not to ever partner up with Shiki, he would have been swallowed by the Noise and erased right at the beginning of the game.

While the "Noise" in my life doesn't have the ability literally erase me, it can have a profound effect on my spirituality, and ultimately my very salvation. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it before; eliminate distractions, focus on what's important, etc. etc. etc. But what really sticks out to me is that truly eliminating the Noise isn't possible unless someone is there by your side. This life was never designed as a solo experience. Now, someone somewhere is probably thinking, "Oh sweet, naive Kevin. When you partner up with someone, you also take upon yourself their burdens, problems, and baggage. Seeing as how you've got your own issues, is that added investment really worth it?"

While you raise a valid point, hypothetical naysayer, I ask you... have you ever been close to someone? Like, really close? I'm not talking just hanging out with friends and partying every once in a while. I'm talking making a deep, meaningful, and lasting connection with another human being. Have you ever gotten to the point where someone trusts you enough to confide in you their problems, pasts, and concerns, knowing full well you have issues, trials and temptations of your own? In my experience, an amazing thing happens. Your problems don't, in fact, double. What happens is that what I previously perceived as "MY problems" and "THEIR problems" becomes "OUR problems." And that three letter word makes all the difference. When you believe in someone else, and they believe in you, there is a real power there... I mean, when I'm with the right person, I feel like I can do anything.

Golly, I want to play this again. Sheesh.

There is so much good in the world and in people and with it set to what can only be described as music; the soulful serenades of the wounded of heart, the dirges of the downtrodden, and the languid lyrics of the lonely. Tune out the noise, "open up your senses", and listen.

Part Two coming soon.

HULK SMASH

Hey there, true believers!

It's been a while, hasn't it? So, I regret to inform you all that while I intended on starting my "Game Changers" segment this week, I think I will put that off for another post. I am mulling over a few ideas and what all else on how to make it bigger, better, and more spectacular.

Instead, I'm dedicating this post to a little-known fact about me.

When I was a little kid, my absolute favorite super hero was the Incredible Hulk. I have no idea why that is. I recall owning a tiny Hulk toy... and I must have watched the old Incredible Hulk tapes we owned about ten bajillion times (slight exaggeration). As I got older, I remember being super excited for the movie version of the Hulk in 2003. My favorite superhero was finally getting a movie! So while I was expecting something along the caliber of my childhood admiration and fantasies, I get this.

Not pictured: Whining

I wanted a rip-roaring, pulse-pounding, Hulk-smashing good time and instead got a plodding, bizarre, comic-book cropped, way-too-dang-serious-for-its-own-good work of schlock. I was heartbroken. Years passed, and the Hulk kind of fell out of graces with me. I was embarrassed to admit he was my favorite superhero.

Flash forward several years. I was told that they were rebooting the Hulk for a new movie, and at first I was outraged. The previous film had only come out around 5 years previous! Anyhow, I watched it once I returned from the mission, having heard nothing but glowing reviews from my family.

MUCH better.

And lo and behold, it was so very much better... except for one thing.

"The Hulk just heard you say, 'Bwuce'"!

Liv Tyler. Good GRAVY I hated her in the role of Betty Ross. So then I kind of forgot about the Hulk after a while... until last night.

 Pictured: The most butt-kickingest green rage monster EVER.

I saw the midnight showing of The Avengers, and while I was plenty excited to revisit the delightfully self-absorbed Tony Stark, the "aww-shucks" humility and embodiment-of-the-American-spirit Captain America, the "I-totally-had-a-better-movie-than-I-had-any-right-to" Thor and the others, I braced for another somewhat disappointing Hulk.

And NOTHING could have prepared me for what was to come. It seemed like the whole movie was almost geared toward giving audiences the Incredible Hulk they'd always dreamed of. And the movie delivered in spades. The Hulk of my childhood was front-and-center, smashing just about everything in the whole dang movie to smithereens and generally being the coolest Avenger of them all. My sister Marianne will testify that I squealed like a fan boy multiple times during the Hulk's scenes.

Long story short, go see the Avengers. IT'S. FREAKING. AWESOME.

"Hulk SMAAAAAASH!"

(Translation: He's my favorite superhero again. Awwwww yeah!)

4.9%

104.9%. That’s my current grade in my Sociology of Rock and Roll class. You’re probably imagining now that I am some kind of wunderkind at Rock and Roll analysis. I assure you that I am not, actually (awesome as "Rock and Roll Wunderkind" would probably look on a resume). As a matter of fact, I’m not sure I’m any more proficient when it comes to Rock and Roll knowledge than I was when I began the semester. While I have certainly learned a lot about different artists and their works, I guess you could say that the extra 4.9% represents the most important thing that I got out of this class.

Which was, surprisingly, a lot about what true love is. It wasn’t anything “new”, per se, but it was certainly a good reminder and reinforcement of what I already believe to be true about just what love is, and what it is not. So here’re some songs that taught me these lessons. (And yes, I'm aware that none of these songs are technically Rock and Roll. We covered a lot of ground in this class.)

Lesson 1) Love is a real thing that happens to ordinary people.

Take a step back (or if you're sitting, look up, or take your hands off the mouse or something). If you are reading this blog, it most likely means that (with a few exceptions) two ordinary people fell in love, got married, and had you. My parents aren’t rock stars, celebrities, wealthy businesspeople, or anything of the sort. My dad is a Technical Writer at a hospital, and my mom is a Head Secretary at a local elementary school. At some point in their lives, they met, fell in love, and nearly 30 years later here I am. There was no press coverage on my mom’s choice of shoes or my dad’s car on their wedding day. No magazine covers, no news reports, no book adaptations… nothing of the sort. Even though I believe they have been phenomenal successes at being parents, there is no denying that when they started out, they were just ordinary people who didn’t know where to go. They pushed through mistakes and misunderstandings and a heck of a lot of self-sacrifice to give me the life I have today. And, as a new curtain rises on my life, I am appreciating that more and more every day.

Lesson 2) While love may happen to all kinds of ordinary folks all over the world, when it is real, it's nothing short of miraculous.

 I chose this song to demonstrate that there even these guys, who normally sing songs I wouldn't be caught dead listening to have people they love and people who love them... and I don't mean their legions of adoring fans. I mean their brothers, close friends, mothers, fathers... the people who really matter; people who would miss them terribly if they were gone. You can feel that love. It's a powerful thing.

Lesson 3) “It’s better to eat soup with someone you love than steak with someone you hate.”

That’s a direct quote from my teacher, who normally has a mouth like a sailor. She’s a firebrand of a feisty Latina, so it isn’t all that surprising that she is pretty darn direct when she has to be. Sure, a lot of these artists wrote about the plastic, phony, fabricated love that infests movies, TV, "romance" novels, and what have you. Heck, some of them lived it. Others, however, managed to touch on real love, which isn't about glitzy media bonanzas, fancy hotels, elaborate garden parties, or anything like that. To paraphrase my teacher, "After a while, you learn that that [stuff] don't matter." Even though this song might have been overplayed when it first came out (I'm guessing, I would have been on the mission at the peak of its popularity), Alicia Keys nailed it. It's nice to be reminded that having someone around who loves you will always be better than any material thing. 

I could go on for days... but this post is long enough. Phony, short-lived Hollywood romance versus real everyday love is basically going from "She loves you yeah yeah yeah" to something like the next clip. (Please, for the love of the internet don't go juxtaposing Beatles lyrics with Metallica's just because I did this one time). I just wanted to emphasize their sentiments of closeness, of being yourself, trust, etc. While it isn't entirely true that "Nothing Else Matters" (because OH IT DOES), I do believe that once you've found someone you love; someone you've dedicated your life to caring about, providing for, and protecting, a heck of a lot of other stuff just becomes less important after awhile. 

And I don't even LIKE Metallica all that much.

-Kevin Neff

P.S. Look forward to my next post, which will be the start of my new segment "Game Changers", where I pick something from either a movie, a book, a show, or a game and talk about the amazing things I've gained from them. Don't miss it!