The New Year is Ending, Let Him Die

Those are actually words to a hymn. I mean, 2011 wasn't so bad that I want it to perish-- alone, unloved, and cast away. Rather, I wanted to take the last few moments I have before New Year's Eve festivities begin (with a sour stomach, I might add) to kind of do a review of the year. So here (in no particular order) are the highlights and low-lights (is that even a word?) of 2011 in the life of Kevin L Neff esquire.*

HIGHLIGHTS
1. Deciding to start going to the Singles' Ward. First, Bluffdale, then Riverton YSA 1st.
2. Finally owning a car. Even if it came at $400 initially, and since then has added up to around $1500 just to get it street legal/functional. Still totally worth it.
3. Starting my new job as a Benefit Advisor at Extend Health, and NOT being laid off at the end of the season.
4. Holy cow, the Nu Chapter of Sigma Gamma Chi. Changed my life. Seriously. I love you guys! Let's do something soon, eh?
5. Participating on the Summit Council, and conducting that keynote speaker meeting. That was so much fun!
6. Going on dates, but I do that every year.
7. Saving Hyrule twice, Koholint once, and making dang good progress on saving it twice more. Pretty much discovering the goodness that is the Legend of Zelda, period.
8. Buying a Nintendo 3DS (remember, this list is in no particular order) and a PS3.
9. Nichijou, Jon Thomas, three-plus months of awesomeness, friendship, and bonding.
10. Jamison and Michelle's wedding.
11. Improving my home teaching.
12. Becoming a part of the Group.
13. Doing nice things for my friends, and being reminded again and again how much I need them.
14. The Singles' Ward campout. That was pretty dang fun.
15. Getting good grades, and generally being pretty awesome.
16. The birth of my newest nephew Zachary, and news of my forthcoming first niece, Cindy! (She WILL be spoiled. Oh yes. She WILL be spoiled.)
17. Helping Eric and Skylee move into their beautiful new house.
18. Playing Gundam Vs. Gundam with my best friend James.
19. Having my whole family together for Christmas.
20. Bro. Schwab's Institute class. So good!
21. Vacation to California for a week!
22. Starting up the whole blogging thing again.
23. Wow, this year was pretty great! There are probably a lot of other fantastic things, but I can't think of them right now. Here's the lowlights.

LOWLIGHTS
1. Four cases of unrequited love/friendship, stupid missed opportunities, one heartbreak, and still being single at years' end.
2. Paying the 1500 plus to get my car to work the way it should. On second thought it still sucks to spend that much.
3. Growing super attached to my first singles' ward, and being told by the General Authorities to switch.
4. Growing super attached to my chapter in the fraternity only to have the General Authorities disband the whole program. (By the way, I'm not bitter about their decision; they were just tough pills to swallow. They always have a reason, and it's always good.)
5. Megaman Legends 3's cancellation.
6. Staying on at Extend Health... but as a Customer Service Rep. And being told that I was "randomly" selected to not be an enroller (that means I can no longer make commissions), and that me getting a promotion was left to a "literal coin toss." Whatever the heck THAT means.
7. Realizing that I have no idea how to get to where I'm supposed to be in life. Again and again.
8. Narrowly avoiding getting called as an Activities Co-Chair/Planner for the Bluffdale Ward/ Nu Chapter (respectively) only to get called as an Assistant Secretary several months later. Much better. Really. (Note: I know this calling is for a reason, and it IS growing on me.)
9. Saying goodbye to Dan and Marie as they went to Georgia. That was hard. Really hard.
10.  That's all I have, really. Hmmm.

Well hey! Looks like the highlights outweigh the lowlights in a big way! I really can't believe that 2011 is over as of tomorrow. I just can't believe how much I did this year. I sure was busy, anyway! Hopefully 2012 can be a great year too. So, to one and all, Happy New Year!

Kevin L Neff

*I actually don't know what esquire means.

The Case for Santa Claus

Kris Kringle. Sinterklaas. Papa Noel. Father Christmas. St. Nicholas. He goes by a multitude of names, but I know him best as Santa Claus. For as long as I can remember, one of the prominent symbols of Christmas, other than the manger scene with the Christ child, has been the bearded, crimson-clad jolly old man himself. As a child, it always filled me with wonder and amazement as I imagined him taking off on cold, snowy Christmas Eve nights to slow the flow of time and visit every good girl and boy in time for Christmas morning.

For every name by which Santa Claus is known are ten or twelve stories and Christmas specials trying to justify and explain his existence. If one were to try and take every story, poem, and song regarding Santa Claus and put them all together as all-inclusive canon, it would truly be maddening and undoubtedly contradictory. Yet, as a testament to his enduring power as a symbol of joy, happiness, and the Christmas spirit, one need not look any further than the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, malls across America and box offices worldwide to know that the symbol of Santa isn't going anywhere soon.

However, in spite of his popularity and power to endure in the hearts and minds of children everywhere, he also has been the target of a lot of criticism. Allegations of all kinds have been made, from the ridiculous "Santa is an anagram of Satan" to the understandably misguided "Santa distracts from the true meaning of Christmas." Many a child has been reduced to tears after being told the "truth" about Santa Claus. Just recently, my sister was asked an open (yet very pointed) question regarding him by a coworker. Asked she, "Why do we lie to our children?" My sister's response was so amazing, I decided to repost it here. After all, in spite of all of the criticism and slander on the good name of Santa Claus, I hereby declare that I do believe in him and so help me my children will also. Thus, after much exposition, I present to you the case for Santa Claus.

1. First of all, Santa Claus is and should be a lesson in selflessness. After all, are we not taught to give without regard for who sees us; to offer alms in secret? Granted, I know that there will be a time when I am the one who is placing presents underneath the tree, filling stockings and the like using my money that I earned by working all year, but the matter of undue credit has never been an issue for me. You see, what was important to my parents-- as will be important to me-- is that my wife and children are smiling and happy on Christmas morning. I'm not buying them toys and other gifts because I want them to love ME; I buy them gifts and presents to remind them of how much I love THEM. Sound familiar? It should...
2. Gift-giving shouldn't be the focus of Christmas, but it isn't the bane thereof either. After all, does anyone fault the wisemen of tradition who gave the baby Jesus the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh? Think about it. Christmas is all about giving. The gifts the wisemen gave, probably the finest they had, were not out of obligation or a subset of commercialism. Heck, the presents weren't even particularly useful to the baby Jesus, especially when compared to what He would give them. The wisemen were giving to show their devotion, admiration and love for the one who would later bring them the greatest gift of all; even that of eternal life.
I imagine that a young St. Nicholas was touched by the example of those wise men, and devoted his life to giving gifts to children everywhere. In fact, I don't ever recall a Christmas story or special where Santa Claus said, "I want the children to worship me, not He for whom the holiday is named!" He knows that the Savior of all mankind already has the world and everything in it along with creations innumerable. All Santa Claus can do is follow His example, and give in a way only he can. So the same should be for all of us!
3. This one is by far the most important, and I will paraphrase the words of my sister on this one. Essentially, it is important that children learn to believe in that which they cannot see, but can find tangible evidence of its reality. For example, how do you teach a child to believe in love? Honesty? Angels? God? They can't see these things/beings, but they are as real as you or me. All they can do is believe and trust in the evidence of the existence of the aforementioned items/beings. For all my flowery wording, I think it was best stated by the Saint himself in the Miracle on 34th Street.

"I'm not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor.... I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If you can't believe-- if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt."

I love this quote. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be preachy... just trying to get my feelings out there. Whatever you choose to do for your family and household is entirely up to you! Regardless, I bid you all a very Merry Christmas! I will probably post something here before the big day, so stay tuned!

Heil Grammatik!

As I approach this post, I kind of feel like a first-timer at AA. I can see myself entering the room, grimacing at the truly atrocious green painted walls, and eyeing a circle of chairs populated by dejected persons such as myself. I awkwardly take a seat on a dilapidated, white chair and make sure not to make premature eye contact with anyone. Before I know it, the front door gently opens to reveal a woman, probably in her fifties, clipboard in hand. She issues a friendly greeting to us all, and the meeting begins. Each takes their turn introducing themselves and our common malady. Much too soon, it's my turn. I stand up, knees shaking gently, and bashfully say...

"My name is Kevin Neff, and I keep correcting the grammar of others."

Loyal readers and others, I am afraid I have a problem... a problem with sentences ending in prepositions. You see, recently I never realized that such was grammatically incorrect. I had heard once from a Latino professor of English that they had been taught the phrase, "Where are you from?" wasn't right. I scoffed at this. After all, I was the one who had been speaking English my entire life, not this guy! Turns out the son of a gun was right after all. Having recently discovered my folly, it seemed as though all of a sudden I could no longer end my own sentences in words like "from", "to", "for", "at", etc. Then, like a malignant cancer, it spread to the point where I found myself auto-correcting the sentences of others. It started in my head. Then I came to say it out loud. You may ask, "So what?" I'll tell you! First you start correcting your own sentences, then the sentences of others, and then.... this.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4vf8N6GpdM

Next time I'll talk about Christmas. I promise you.

Moral Victories

Doing the right thing is hard sometimes. Let's face it. What with all our responsibilities, obligations, hobbies, personal desires and what not we often justify ourselves in not stepping up to the plate to make things right, be it with others, teachers, friends, family, etc. Maybe it's because we are so often caught up in the business of our lives that we forget to do the right thing, but maybe it's thanks to that polarity that those moments where we DO make the right (and often harder) choice that it tastes that much sweeter. Heck, sometimes when faced with a moral dilemma, we have to snatch moral victory from the jaws of defeat. For example...

Case Study One: Visiting a (in this case, sick/afflicted) friend who needs you even when you are tired, have three imminent tests of doom, and have already figured someone else will do it. Turns out that sometimes, everyone else thought "someone else will do it". And, as Bill Watterson once observed, "We're all 'someone else' to 'someone else'." Sometimes, you are the only one who not only CAN do the right thing, but the only one who WILL. Be there. Someone out there needs you.

Case Study Two: Taking a test about which you come to find you are inadequately prepared, waffling on whether or not a response is correct, and deciding to cut your losses and turn it in. Then, while walking down the stairs, you see the correct response circled on the smartest kid in the class' test out of the corner of your eye. You somehow justify that you "knew it all along" and circle it before handing it in. However, as you try to walk away, you feel something in the back of your mind and in your heart that tells you something must be done. You figure the better grade justifies the means, but you end up turning around, requesting your test back, and returning it to the state in which it was originally submitted. Not only that, but you send an e-mail to the teacher explaining your actions to have him reply, "Thank you for your honesty. That will serve you well for the rest of your life."

Case Study Three: Trusting your heart and your instincts that a plan you recommended for retirees is not the right plan for them, even if it means you will lose out on a few commissions because of it.

Case Study Four: Going home teaching and visiting a sick or otherwise afflicted friend even when you are exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed with the minutae of life... in the same night. Sure, home teaching is a responsibility and a duty, but it's so worth it when you get a text out of nowhere from them thanking you for being the best home teachers they ever had.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging. I just want everyone to know that doing the right thing is worth it every time. "Thank you" is often way better than money, fame, or worldly glory could ever be. I believe that in the end of things, when we are all brought to judgment, we will get not only a full picture of all the times we missed, but also a full picture of the goodness we have done and the people we have helped even beyond this life. You wanna know why? Because every one of 'em, generations, multitudes, and mortal contemporaries will be there, smiling and rejoicing in those small, seemingly insignificant moments that belied a far-reaching, eternal victory for them and you.   

Gratitude, dude!

Given that Thanksgiving is coming up in T-minus, like, 12 hours or so, you'd think I would want to write some gushy post where I list all the things I am grateful for. You know, like, rainbows, family, snow, music, and the like. Instead, I'm going to just rant about everything I HATE about everything!

Just foolin'! Gratitude is seriously the cure for what ails you. If you really want something emo, look no further than Another Side (to the right), which started out as a way for me to kind of just get out feelings about whatever, and now I find to be kind of funny. Not the content, per se... what was I talking about again? Ah yes, Thanksgiving... And now for a list of things for which I am exceedingly grateful (I promise I'll stop doing lists soon; otherwise this blog is getting renamed Kevin L Neff and His Random Lists).

First and foremost, I am grateful for my family. They are seriously the best ever. (Sorry, rest of the planet.) I am especially grateful for them now because, well, I hardly see them anymore. I mean, from around 7:00am to 7:00pm, I am either at work or school, and once I get home, I usually have homework or some other activity to take up my time until about 11:30pm. Now that I work on Saturdays, my time is even more limited. Any chance I get to see them is great!

I am grateful for the gospel in my life. A lot of people say that, but I mean it. I mean, I associate with people who don't have a sense of purpose; whose lot they feel is to wander around in life and that nothing else matters. On a related note, I am grateful for my ward. I am grateful for the friends that I have made in my ward. I know that very few of you read my blog, but just know that I am glad to have you in my life. Even if I can't accept every invitation, I still very much appreciate it. Y'all send me a text sometime, or call, or comment, or whatever, eh?

I am grateful for a heck of a lot of other things too... like my talents, my job, my education, food, shelter, clothing, a warm bed, video games, movies, nature, snow, super awesome music, my car... gosh, there's so much to be thankful for. (Whoa, Josh Groban suddenly springs to mind... Hey, wait. Shouldn't he have said "There's so much for which to be thankful"? Grammar...).

To you and yours, wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving! Go thank somebody for something today!

Good Advice

I am all about good advice sometimes. I like to get it, I like to give it, I just don't like getting it too late. Here are just a few pearls of wisdom I have picked up over my short life (mostly by personal experience). They don't apply to everybody, but they certainly have helped me!

1. Don't inhale too close to freshly opened ginger ale.
2. Running with your eyes closed is generally a super bad idea.
3. If people are staring, give them something to stare at.
4. If you get the jitters giving talks in church, just remember that statistically speaking, 33% of the congregation is awake enough to even hear you, and out of that number, only 4.3% of that population are actually paying attention.*
5. On a related note, if you have to sing a musical number in church, remember that it's not like anyone paid any money to hear you and therefore won't be demanding their money back if you mess up.
6. Don't let your life revolve around any one person, or you'll find yourself going in circles.** That's science, people.
7. A well-timed joke is generally a great way to cover up mistakes. A poorly-timed joke is often a great way to make one big mistake.
8. For crying out loud, no matter how fake the cactus looks; or if all of the other ones on the Wal-mart aisle are covered in protective plastic, DON'T TOUCH IT.***
9. Falling in love is great and all; just try not to hurt yourself on the way down.
10. Don't take yourself too darn seriously! Trust me, no one else does.
11. Few things in this life are more frustrating than having your hard work ruined by some idiot's mistake. On the other hand, few things are funnier than finding out that idiot was you.
12. That being said, life is funny sometimes.


Kevin Neff
*Yep, those statistics are made up, but seriously, folks. Look around next time you're up at the pulpit.
** Please don't point out that orbits are more often elliptical than circular. I know.
*** And if you absolutely MUST touch it, don't use your entire hand. Huge waste of a Friday night.

RANDOM!

After seeing this box art, I now know what I want to do with my life.

Autumn Colors! And Blast From the Past!

Sheesh. Fate really didn't want me to update my blog today. I realized I had neglected it for a week; realizing that my blog was still a-jammerin' away about All Hallow's Eve when that is sooooo October. This morning I figured I'd have some time, so I went to the school library. First, I typed up an assignment and sent it to my professor. Just as I sent off the paper and got ready to give my blog another seasonal face-lift, the power went out. I have been going to that school for three years, and that has NEVER happened.

Then, I decided to play some more Professor Layton and the Last Specter on my 3DS while I waited. Finally, the power came back on, but the internet worked for only a few minutes, then effectively breathed its last. Alas, it is now 11:12ish, and after getting everything else done that I have on the ol' list, I have finally gotten around to updating my blog's look. Maybe I should do some more to spruce up the place. I don't really have much to talk about. No randomness about which to rant. Hmmm.

Ah. Here we go. I found this while traipsing around my old e-mails. Remember back in the day (end of middle school for me) how you used to get those obnoxious e-mail chain letter survey things that your friends filled out? Well, I came across a few to which I responded. Some of my answers made me laugh out loud. Enjoy! (Oh, and keep in mind I was 15 to 18-ish. Righteous.)

50. HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE?: Umm.... bowling?

54. IS IT RIGHT TO FLIRT IF YOU HAVE A BF/GF?: Define Flirt. Define BF. Define GF. Define Right. Define to....oh. Ummm... I'll take "Outer Planets" for $500.

57. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU CRIED OR GOT TEARY ABOUT?: Last thing I cried? Tears.

56. WHAT'S SOMETHING ABOUT GUYS/GIRLS YOU JUST DONT

GET?: As a general rule, only guys understand guys, and only girls understand girls, but then again, maybe it isn't really fair to generalize girls and boys like that. Then again, I did say that that was a general rule, thereby contradicting my last sentence completely. Although they say that your parents understand you better than anyone, but then again, men don't understand women....what was the question again?

72. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?: Them.

82. ON THE PHONE OR IN PERSON?: I believe I'm on the computer, but thanks for asking.

83. HUGS OR KISSES?: Skittles.

89. WHAT TIME IS IT IN ALBANIA NOW?: Albania? Can you eat that?

QUESTOINS: Yes. What's a "questoin"? (This was part of another survey)

5. HAVE YOU... EATEN AN ENTIRE PIZZA BY YOURSELF?: Yeah, it was at some party somewhere where something happened sometime. I guess some things never leave you.

8. EVER LIKED SOMEONE OLDER?: For like two weeks.

11. MADE HOME MADE COOKIES?: As opposed to what? Manufacturing home made cookies?

13. LACE OR SATIN?: I'll just have water, thanks.

3. DO YOU LIKE GIRLS THAT ARE HARD TO GET OR EASY?: So easy it's HARD!

27. DO YOU LIKE TO WALK IN THE RAIN: I LOVE walking in the rain. It always is so much fun and fancy free! (Note: NOBODY says fancy free anymore. Just thought I'd inform you all of that.)

31. WHAT DO YOU DREAM ABOUT? Don't. You won't like it. 

I'm pretty awesome sometimes.